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Reflections at 40

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Feeling Hopeless
November 24, 2020
November 26, 2020

Reflections at 40

I am turning 40 in May.
I am young at heart.
My skin in my body does not match my heart.
I am working on the inside spiritually.
But I also want the outside to match my inside transformation.
I am just existing, doing things for everyone else and not taking care of myself.
Don't have a social life, don't have many friends.
All my friends are married with kids or just not in the same area as me.
I'm at odd stage of my life - most of my friends are not on social security or have an elderly aging parent to care for.
I've been through a lot my life. I can relate to a lot of things but there's so much more to my life and so much more to be done.
Raising my son for twelve years seems like a lifetime.
I still haven't lived my life yet. I'm ready to get to it, tired of talking about it and watching everybody do everything.
Hate being fearful about a lot of things due to being on social security disability - the government is watching every single aspect of my income. Not be able to own a new car or property.
I would like to beat the odds and change the game.

There so many helpful things I want to do with the world. Like be an advocate for:

  • Children with disabilities
  • Advocate for people wrongly accused by child services
  • Single mothers
  • Support caretakers of parents
  • Advocate for elderly with Dementia and Alzheimer’s
  • Support diversity in my own town (Haddonfield, NJ)
All while being a righteous woman of God.

I love my soul food - not trying to become a vegetarian or vegan or anything like that, but just want a healthier me.
My health issues:

  • Beta Thalassemia Minor is a blood disorder in the family of Sickle Cell Disease that causes low iron
  • Bipolar
  • Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
  • Dry mouth and decaying teeth due to medication
  • Low self-esteem
  • Weight gain due to medication
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) issues
  • Racing mind (unorganized clutter)

What stops me from being healthy:

  • Depression
  • Lack of cooking space
  • Lack of money to shop
  • I’m not sure what to cook
  • Can’t afford gym membership
  • IBS
  • 2 pins in each hip

I don’t know how to:

  • Ride a bike
  • Skate
  • Swim
  • Run – due to the pins in my hip
  • Lifestyle issue
I’ve always wanted to be a fitness instructor. I love yoga.

I’m a certified motivational speaker – I want to tell my story and help others.

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